Gourry and the Talking Stone
by Relm Wanderer
Summary: A silly story about Gourry and a wish granting talking stone. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.
1. Chapter 1

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

**Part One**

By Relm

It was a wonderful spring morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, little animals were throwing rocks…

Gourry woke up to a sharp pain on his left temple. He sprang up ready to defend an attack but then soon realized that this wasn't Lina's doing. Lina was nowhere to be seen and Amelia was still sleeping.

'I wonder where Lina went? Oh well more sleep!' Gourry collapsed back down on the ground was about to go to sleep when another flying rock hit him again.

Gourry looked up and saw the culprits. It was two squirrels up in the tree above him. They tried to look innocent but Gourry knew that they had thrown the stones at him purposely. Or at least that's what he thought.

"Hey little guys stop throwing rocks at me. It's not nice to hurt people when they are trying to sleep." Gourry gave them a little smile right before he got hit in the face with another rock.

The squirrels scampered off talking amongst themselves but to Gourry it almost sounded they were snickering.

Gourry sighed and looked around him. There were rocks everywhere! 'Gee those little guys must have been busy. But how could they get all those rocks up into that tree in the first place?' Gourry wondered, as he looked around at all the rocks. One stone caught his eye. It was small and black with a strange turquoise design on it. 'What's this?' He picked up to further examine it. 'Maybe Lina can figure out what this thing is. I'll show it to her later.' Gourry put the little rock in his pocket and waited for Lina to return.

...

Lina lightly hummed as she carried her fishing line of fish back to camp to eat for breakfast. She left Amelia and Gourry sleeping in camp when hunger started to override her senses. 'Oh well it's pretty bright out I doubt they would still be asleep.'

But Lina was wrong.

Amelia and Gourry were both sleeping and their camp was filled with little rocks and stones. "What the hell happened here?" Lina exclaimed almost dropping her fish.

Amelia opened her eyes all dopey. "Good morning Miss Lina. Did you get some fish for breakfast?"

"What's with all the rocks?" Lina said motioning for Amelia to look around.

Amelia looked and was surprised to see rocks everywhere. "What happened?"

"I don't know the camp wasn't like this when I went to fish. Don't you know?"

"I was sleeping. Maybe Mister Gourry knows something?" Amelia suggested.

As if on cue Gourry woke up. "Ooooh! Fish! I'm hungry!"

"Gourry what happened here?"

Gourry stared blankly. It was hard for him to think past his rumbling stomach. He looked around himself all confused. "Oh wait I remember! It was those little guys!" Gourry beamed. He was quite pleased with himself to be able to remember something reasonably quickly for once.

"Little guys?"

"Yeah those little rascal squirrels."

"Squirrels did this?"

"Yeah they were throwing rocks and stones from a tree. I told them to stop doing it because it wasn't nice and they stopped and went away."

Lina gave Gourry a weary look. "Squirrels where throwing this many stones and they stopped because you told them to?"

"Well not right away. They threw another rock me but they stopped after that." Gourry grinned pointing to the marks on his face.

Lina gave Gourry a weird look before just ignoring him all together and started cooking up the fish.

...

Days went by and Gourry still hadn't shown Lina the little back and turquoise stone. They were traveling to investigate a so-called haunted forest for a town (for a very large price of course) whom claim ghosts were the cause of their bad luck with their crops. They were checking every inch of the forest to see if they could find any truth to any of the ghost claims but they hadn't seen a thing. It looked like just an ordinary forest. The only strange thing had been that day when their camp got pelted with those rocks.

Gourry had completely forgotten about the little stone in his pocket. And it wasn't till he accidentally got separated from the others and sat down that he noticed he had it.

"Aww I was hoping this was food. I'm hungry." Gourry frowned looking at the little stone in his hand.

_Is food what you seek?_

Gourry turned his head around to find the source of the voice. "Who said that?"

_I did._

"Where?"

_Down here._

Gourry looked down and stared at the little stone. "You, the stone?"

_Yes._

"How can a stone talk?"

_Because I'm a special stone._

"Oh." Gourry was still confused.

_So is food what you seek?_

"Yeah I'm hungry."

_I can get you food._

"Really? How?"

_I'm a wishing stone. Make a wish and I can grant it._

"Really? I can wish for anything I want and you can give it to me?"

_Anything._

"Alright I wish for a ten course meal!"

_Granted._

A large table appeared out of nowhere with enough food on it to feed an army. Gourry jumped for joy and sprinted over to the table and started to stuff his face full of food.

...

Lina and Amelia investigated the forest while looking for Gourry as well. Gourry had wandered off again and it was starting to get on Lina's nerves.

"How the hell are we supposed to get any work done when that dofus keeps taking off like that?"

"I pretty sure Mister Gourry didn't mean to Miss Lina."

"But it's making it a little hard to check the whole place when he have to go and look for him every five minutes!" Lina stomped her foot to accent her point.

"Miss Lina we already know that there are no restless spirits wandering around this forest. Otherwise I would feel some sort of spirit like presence haunting this area. But there aren't any ghosts around here. It's just the townsfolk using a poor innocent ghost as a scapegoat for their bad farming techniques! It's so unjust to place blame on someone else just because you can't do something properly!"

Lina sweatdropped, but choice not to comment.

After about ten minutes of searching Lina and Amelia finally found Gourry. He appeared to be hunkered over something and looked like he was eating, only there wasn't a thing in front of him.

"Gourry what are you doing?"

Gourry defensively grabbed the air around him as if he was grabbing something invisible. "You can't have any it's mine!"

"What are you talking about?"

"The food! I wished for it so it's only for me!" Gourry defiantly stated and continued to stuff his face with invisible food.

"What food? There's no food anywhere!"

"What do you mean there's food right here!" Gourry motioned to the area in front of him. He could still see a large table full of food.

"Gourry there's nothing in front of you!" Lina yelled giving a smack on the head.

"Ow! There is. It's right h-" Gourry stopped mid-sentence. The food was gone! "Hey where did it go?"

"Where did what go?"

"The food that I wished for!"

"Gourry there wasn't any food here!"

"Yes there was! This stone told me to wish for something and I did! I wished for food and it made it appear!" Gourry held out the stone for Lina and Amelia to view.

To Amelia and Lina it looked like just any other ordinary gray stone. Nothing special to it.

"This stone granted you a wish?"

"Yes it did. It told me that it would. It said it was a special stone."

"Gourry you mean to tell me that this stone was talking to you?" Lina narrowed her eyes at him. 'He's gone delusional.'

"Yes it was! Here stone go on tell them!"

_I did._

"See it even says so!" Gourry huffed.

Amelia and Lina looked at Gourry. They hadn't heard a thing.

"Mister Gourry are you feeling ill?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't seem to be acting rational. Hallucinating and now you're hearing voices."

"What? Don't you hear the stone?"

"No Gourry because that's just an ordinary stupid gray stone! It's not talking nor is it special! It's just a stupid little rock!" Lina smacked him on the head again.

"It is too talking! And what do you mean gray? It's black and turquoise!" Gourry insisted.

"He's lost it. Just what we need a crazy Gourry. It's bad enough that he's spacey and stupid but crazy too? This is going to be annoying." Lina walked off not impressed.

"I'm not crazy!" Gourry insisted following Lina.

"I guess we'd better take Mister Gourry back to the town. Maybe they have some medicine that can help him."

"I'm not crazy!"


	2. Chapter 2

Gourry and the Talking Stone

Part Two

By Relm

Gourry spent the whole walk back to town grumbling. No matter how hard he tried neither Lina now Amelia would listen to his claims of a talking stone. Instead they just dismissed him as being crazy and choose to ignore him.

"I told you I'm not crazy!" Gourry ranted at them.

"Miss Lina what are we going to do about the townspeople? If we tell them there are no ghosts they will want their money back." Amelia asked ignoring Gourry.

"Are you even listening? I said I'm not crazy!" Gourry yelled again.

"Yea, yeah whatever." Lina dismissed him again. "Amelia they paid us to go into the forest and exercise any ghosts there. We did go there with intensions of getting rid of any. And it's not our fault that they were wrong."

"Miss Lina how can you said that? We didn't do anything more then search the forest!" Amelia protested.

"And now they can be rest assured that there are no ghosts in their forest."

"But what if they ask for their money back?"

"Well they wont get it back. They paid us to do a job and we did it!" Lina said firmly.

"You spent all the money on food didn't you?" Amelia asked with a sweatdrop trailing down the side of her head.

"Damn right I did! And they over charged me too! They're just lucky that I don't demand my money back!" Lina exclaimed.

"Miss Lina!' Amelia protested again.

Gourry just grumbled 'I'm not crazy!' over and over under his breath.

…

When Lina, Gourry and Amelia got back to the town the first place they went was to see the mayor. The mayor had only agreed to Lina's price demands for the job provided that he'd only pay half up front and the other half when the job was done. So that way Lina wouldn't just take the money and run and not bother investigating the forest. But Lina didn't agree to this herself unless she got the majority of the money upfront and the rest later. So Lina didn't really care if the mayor refused to give her the rest of the money because it wasn't that much more he had to give her.

The mayor was in the middle of a very important discussion with the town farmers in his office. Not a single person was allowed to see the mayor till after this meeting was over. Of course did Lina care? Nope.

"You can't go in there now!" One of the mayor's servants yelled at Lina as they walked right over towards the mayor's office.

Lina ignored the servant and pushed past the doors making a very grandiose entrance into the room. "Hello Mister Mayor! How are you?" Lina said sweetly, sitting herself right down on his desk.

"Ah Miss Lina I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon. How did the ghost hunting go?" The mayor asked while sweatdropping.

"Quite well considering that there were no ghosts." Lina said calmly while examining her nails even though she was wearing gloves.

"What do you mean there were no ghosts? Of course there is! They are cursing our crops!" The mayor said defiantly.

"We went in the forest you said was haunted and checked it top to bottom. And we didn't find a single ghost. Hell we didn't even find one damn creature that could be considered threatening besides a few small animals in that forest. It's probably the most peaceful forest I've been to in ages. It's not haunted. Trust me if there was any ghosts there we'd know." Lina assured him.

Around them the framers glared at Lina holding tight to their pitchforks in hand.

"You're lying! You're just like the other so called sorcerers! You come in here, charge an outstanding fee, go into the forest come back and say the ghosts are gone! But still our crops are cursed!" The mayor yelled out in rage.

"So you're had others try and 'exercise' your forest?" Lina asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes quite a few."

"Chances are if there were any ghosts in that forest they got rid of them the first time. Because there isn't any ghosts in that forest at all. In fact Amelia do you sense any evil spirits in or around this town at all?"

Amelia closed her eyes and concentrated. "No. There's no evil spirits around here at all."

The mayor clenched his teeth. "Then how do you explain our poor crops?"

"Bad soil, bad weather, bad seeds or maybe you're just bad farmers I don't know." Lina rolled her eyes.

The farmers were starting to see red. There wasn't much holding them back.

"How dare you suggest that we we're bad farmers!" The mayor spat out.

"Hey you have to be open to all possibilities. Anyway so where's the rest of my money?" Lina asked with her hand out.

"What money?"

"The money you said you'd give me after the job was done."

_SNAP!_

…

"KILL HER!"

"DON'T LET HER GET AWAY!"

"I don't think demanding the rest of the money was a good idea Miss Lina." Amelia chided while the three of them ran for their lives. All the angry farmers of the town, each one with a pitchfork, were chasing them.

"How was I supposed to know that they would go crazy like this? I didn't think they would get angry at me just asking for the rest of the money they owe me." Lina said innocently.

"Lina you did insult them."

"I insulted their farming not them!"

"But they're farmers Miss Lina!" Amelia cried out. They were running as fast as they could but no matter how much they ran the farmers were still near by.

"A mere technicality! Damn we're not losing them at all! Magic is the only way to get out of this situation! RAY WING!" Lina yelled out taking off into the air.

"Hey wait for me Miss Lina! RAY WING!" Amelia flew up after him.

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?" Gourry cried out from the ground. "I can't fly!"

Lina rolled her eyes sighing. 'He's such a bother some times!' "Amelia let's get him and go!" Lina ordered. They flew down scooped up Gourry and flew off as high and as far as they could.

Down below the farmers stopped running and were trying to throw their pitchforks at them.

…

After hours of flying and walking Lina, Gourry and Amelia got to the next town. Amelia and Lina were exhausted while Gourry was only a bit tired.

"I'm sooo tired and hungry!" Lina wailed.

"How about we go eat dinner then?" Amelia suggested eyeing a nearby restaurant.

"FOOD!" Both Lina and Gourry yelled out simultaneously. But they didn't run to the restaurant. They were too tired for that. So instead they walked slowly to the restaurant. It was like trekking in the desert to a location that didn't seem to get any closer. A snail gave them a curious look and then went trucking past them.

Lina and Amelia almost collapsed inside the restaurant doorway but the smell of food renewed Gourry's vigor and he raced over to a table. By the time Lina and Amelia got to the table Gourry had already finished listing off his very large order to the bewildered waitress.

"I'll have what he's having." Lina said in a tired voice. Gourry had ordered everything on the menu times two.

"I'll have a third of what she's having." Amelia said without even looking at the menu. She was too tired to pick up the menu and read it. Instead she just let her head fall on the table. She wasn't going to fall asleep but sleep did loom in the wings.

The waitress didn't say anything. She just walked off to the kitchen in a daze.

Eventually the smell of food renewed Lina's vigor too and she pulled out a small book from her cloak. The book had many pages that had been written on, both sides. Lina flipped the pages till she got to the last page that had been written on. She pulled out a pen and wrote the name of the town they were just chased out off.

"Miss Lina what are you doing?" Amelia questioned with her head still on the table.

"It's a little book I carry with me. I write down some of the names of towns I've been too." Lina put her little book away.

"To keep track of what places you've been?"

"To keep track of what towns I can't ever go in again."

Amelia sweatdropped. "Miss Lina there is a lot of names in that book."

"So?"

Amelia didn't say anything she just shook her head.

…

Later on that evening the threesome headed over to the inn for some much needed rest. They got three rooms and they each went into their room right away. Amelia didn't make it to the bed. She fell asleep on the floor halfway to the bed. Lina made it to her bed and was asleep right away.

While Gourry just went to his room and sat down. He wasn't sleepy but he couldn't think of anything to do. He just sat on his bed thinking. The stone fell out of his pocket and rolled a little bit on the sheets.

_Master is there something you wish?_ The stone asked.

Gourry looked around confused. He had forgotten about the stone again and was wondering where the voice was coming from.

_Down here master._

Gourry looked down and saw the stone. "Oh right I forgot!" Gourry exclaimed picking up the stone. "How come no one else can hear you but me?"

_You are my master._

"But why can't Lina and Amelia hear you?"

_You are my master._

Gourry frowned. He wasn't getting what the stone was saying.

_Is there something you wish master?_

Gourry chewed his lip in thought. "I know! I wish for something to do!" Gourry beamed. He was bored after all and wasn't sleepy at all.

_Granted._

Suddenly Gourry found himself in a strange room with walls around him and different passages he could take. "Hey where am I?" Gourry asked looking around.

_You are in a maze. Finish the maze to find your way back to your room. _

"Damn."


	3. Chapter 3

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

**Part Three**

By Relm

Gourry stared at the walls that surrounded him. He was one of those people who got lost easily so to throw him in a maze was doomed to be disastrous.

Before making his wish Gourry hadn't really felt all that sleepy. But now that he was stuck in a place far from his bed he was suddenly feeling very sleepy.

'I want to go to bed!' Gourry thought miserably. Sleeping on the floor wasn't a problem to him. But it bothered him that his bed was there for him to sleep on it and he couldn't get to it.

Gourry grumbled and started walking through the maze. After walking for about five minutes Gourry felt his head spin. "I'm getting dizzy…"

_Is there something you wish Master?_

Gourry pulled the stone out of his pocket. "Hey is there any way you can take back my last wish?" Gourry asked while sweatdropping.

_I am sorry Master but I cannot. Wishes can never be taken back._

Gourry frowned. "Never?"

_Never._

"But I want to sleep."

_You wish is to sleep?_

"Yeah I want to sleep!" Gourry whined.

_Granted._

Gourry collapsed onto the ground, snoring very loudly as he fell straight to sleep.

...

The next morning Lina woke up feeling refreshed and in a very good mood. "Today is going to be a good day, I can just feel it." Lina said while stretching.

...

Lina walked down the halls of the inn humming slightly. She was on her way downstairs to eat breakfast. She knew that Gourry would still be sleeping but Amelia probably wouldn't be. And even if she were still sleeping, Amelia would be very hurt if Lina started eating without her. So against her better judgment she went over to Amelia's door and gave it a knock. "Amelia? You awake?"

There was no answer in Amelia's room.

"Amelia?" Lina knocked again and tried to open it. It wasn't locked and she walked right in. She found Amelia halfway to her bed all sprawled out on the floor. Lina's first thought was that something had happened to her so she rushed over to Amelia. But from the snoring Lina figured she was fine. "AMELIA! WAKE UP!"

Amelia jumped cracking her neck. "Owww…."

"Good morning Amelia! Time to get up and have breakfast." Lina said in a singsong voice.

"Miss Lina why did you have to wake me up like that? It was mean…" Amelia whined rubbed her neck. She tried to move her neck to her right but it hurt a lot. In fact her whole body was sore. 'Huh? Why am I on the floor?'

"Oh come on Amelia you didn't want me to eat without you so come on let's go!" Lina pulled Amelia to her feet and rushed her to get ready.

...

Gourry wanted to cry. He was hungry, tired, and sore and when he awoke he was still stuck in the damn maze. He had wanted something to do last night before bed, not be stuck eternally in a maze never to find his way out. 'I'm hungry… I'm going to starve to death!'

...

Lina patted her belly in content after finishing her monster-sized breakfast.

Amelia wasn't so happy. Her neck was bothering her. It hurt when she moved to the right in even the slightest. This was one of the reasons why Amelia hated sleeping on the floor. "Miss Lina how come Mister Gourry isn't down here yet? Normally he doesn't take this long to come down to eat."

Lina shrugged. She didn't care at all.

"Miss Lina, aren't you the least bit worried about him? Something terrible might have happened to him!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Oh well." Lina shrugged it off again and started to look through the desert menu.

"Miss Lina!"

"Alright, alright we'll go check up on him. But you're paying for my desert." Lina frowned throwing down the desert menu.

...

Amelia dragged Lina upstairs and down the hall to Gourry's door. Lina reluctantly knocked. "Gourry you in there?"

They didn't get an answer.

"I guess he's still sleeping. Let's go eat dessert." Lina started to walk away but Amelia pulled her back.

"We're going to check out his room. Mister Gourry, are you awake?" Amelia asked trying the door. It wasn't locked and they walked right in. "Mister Gourry?"

"Amelia? Is there you where are you guys?" Gourry asked still wandering around the maze.

Amelia and Lina just stared at him strangely. "Gourry what are you doing?"

"Help me I'm lost! I've been stuck here all night!" Gourry whined.

Lina and Amelia almost facefualted. "What the heck do you mean you're lost? You're in your damn room you idiot!" Lina yelled. They didn't see a maze. All they saw was Gourry wandering around his room lost looking at things that didn't seem to be there.

"I am not! Where are you two? I can hear you but I can't see you." Gourry called out. He could still see the walls around him.

"What do you mean you can't see us? You're standing right in front of us!" Lina exclaimed.

"Are you behind the wall?" Gourry asked looking at the wall in front of him. To Lina and Amelia it looked like he was staring at them.

"But Mister Gourry there isn't a wall."

Gourry looked around all confused and suddenly he realized that the maze that he had been stuck in had disappeared. He was now back in his room. "Huh? What happened? Where did the maze go?"

Lina and Amelia sweatdropped. "Great he really is nuts."

"Maybe he's just delirious from hunger?" Amelia suggested.

"Hey!" Gourry protested.

"Whatever. I've got a tray of deserts waiting with my name on it." Lina winked at Amelia.

Amelia just sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

Part Four

By Relm

Once Gourry had finished eating his breakfast Lina and Amelia dragged him kicking and screaming to see a doctor.

"What are you two doing? I'm fine I don't wanna see a doctor!" Gourry yelled protesting loudly. Everyone on the streets of the town was staring at the three of them strangely.

"Now, now Mister Gourry, don't make a scene this is for your own good." Amelia tried to reassure him.

"Own good? I'm fine I don't need to see a doctor!"

"Yes you do you've been acting stranger then anything ever since we were in that supposed cursed forest. There's something wrong with you and I want to get to the bottom of it quick. And anyways, you're twice more annoying when you're nuts." Lina gave Gourry one shove.

"I told you, I'm not nuts!" Gourry yelled.

"Mommy what's wrong with that man?" A little boy asked his mother while pointing at Gourry.

"Only the gods knows Jimmy."

The doctor's office was very crowded. There were many people waiting to see him whom had been waiting a long time. And it would be a longer wait to anyone just coming in. Seeing how you're not allowed to cut ahead. Everyone had to wait their turn.

"Miss you can't go in there! You have to wait!" The secretary yelled after Lina as she and Amelia pushed Gourry into see the doctor.

"Miss Lina we're not supposed to just go ahead of everyone. This isn't right." Amelia said while looking back at the other waiting patients. They weren't looking too happy at that moment.

"Don't you want to get this done quick? And besides it's not like we're going to take long. We just need to find out what's wrong and then we can leave." Lina continued pushing Gourry.

"I don't want to go!" Gourry screamed grabbing onto the doorframe.

"Mister Gourry it's for your own good. Please just co-operate."

"Yeah you stupid jellyfish come on! Stop being such a baby!" Lina ordered while she and Amelia now pulled Gourry.

"No I don't wanna!"

With all their might, Amelia and Lina pulled and eventually like a rubber band he lost his grip was sent recoiling forward and crashed into the doctor's desk.

"Oh my what do we have here?" The doctor, a small aging man with white hair and a beard asked while trying to get a better focus on Gourry by adjusting his glasses.

"What we have is a very stubborn patient. Can you help us?"

The doctor hummed slightly in thought. "Put him on my examining table and I'll take a look. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well normally Gourry is a thick sculled idiot who can't remember anything and who is dense as a brick. Only now he seems to have gone crazy." Lina threw Gourry onto the table.

"Gone crazy? How so?"

"He keeps claiming that there is this stone that talks to him. And he says that the stone is special but really it's just a normal little gray stone. Also we found him eating invisible food which he says was real and we found him lost in his room this morning saying he was stuck in a maze which we couldn't see but apparently was there." Lina's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I see. And where is this stone now?" The doctor said while looking at Gourry with a magnifying glass.

"Right here." Gourry held up the stone for the doctor to see. What Gourry saw was a very strangely color stone, but to the doctor it looked like a normal gray stone.

"Now Gourry what does your stone say when it talks to you?"

"It grants me wishes."

"Anything you want?"

_Anything Master Gourry wishes._ The stone's voice rang clear through Gourry's head.

"See? He just said so." Gourry said defiantly.

"The stone just talked? I didn't hear anything."

"It said 'Anything Master Gourry wishes.' You heard it talking didn't you?"

"I'm sorry son but I didn't hear anything."

Gourry frowned. "Maybe it's broken."

"So doctor what should we do? Do you have some sort of medicine that we could give him to stop him from being crazy? Or should we exorcise him? Yeah he might be possessed by something! Is he possessed by something?"

The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry but there isn't anything I can do. I am a doctor of medicine not of magic. Physically there is nothing wrong with him expect that really he shouldn't be conscious after he got hit in the head like that. This is more likely a problem with his mind. And unfortunately there is no medicine I could prescribe that could help him with that. The only thing I can suggest is perhaps taking his stone away. If the object of his delusion is taken away from him then perhaps he'll stop acting the way he is."

"Thanks doctor!" Amelia smiled. "Should we go now Miss Lina?"

Lina grumbled something under her breath but complied.

Outside the examining room many of the waiting patients glared daggers at Lina, Amelia and Gourry as they came out and into the front office.

"Um Miss Lina they don't look too happy with us."

"Oh come on what could they do?" Lina rolled her eyes.

The waiting patients eyes started to glow red and they brandished farming utensils that appeared out of nowhere.

"Let's get out of here, now!" Lina yelled as the three of them were chased out of the doctor's office.

Once they were outside the door the patients retreated back into the office to wait their turns.

"That's the last time I go to that place. Alright Gourry hand me the stone." Lina demanded while holding out her hand.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You heard what the doctor said. If we get rid of the stone you'll stop acting nuts."

"I'm not acting crazy!" Gourry protested.

"Yes you are, so give me the damn stone!" Lina snatched it from Gourry's hand and threw it very far well outside the town. "There, all done."

Gourry sighed. Though that stone hadn't exactly granted him any really good wishes he still wished he had it. He looked down and noticed that the stone was still in his hand!

"Alright let's go eat- huh? What the heck where did that come from?" Lina exclaimed pointing at the stone in Gourry's hand. "How many of these are you hording?"

"I'm not hording any stones! It just reappeared."

"So you mean to tell me that the very same stone that I just threw miles away just appeared out of nowhere and onto your hand?"

"Yeah I guess so."

Veins started to pop out of Lina's forehead. "Give me that!" Lina snatched the stone yet again from Gourry's palm and threw it very far away. She was gong to sigh in relief when she noticed that the very same stone was still in the palm of Gourry's hand. "What the hell is going on here?" She took the stone again and this time used magic on it to turn it into ashes. And yet again the stone reappeared in Gourry's hand. "AHHHHH!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

**Part Five**

By Relm

"Now, now Miss Lina you should calm down. There isn't anything to get upset about." Amelia tried to calm Lina down.

Lina didn't answer she tried yet again to get rid of Gourry's stone. But again it reappeared in Gourry's hand. "This is your doing! You're doing this purposely aren't you you thick skulled idiot!" Lina grabbed Gourry by the collar shaking him.

"I'm not doing anything!" Gourry yelled out in defence.

"Yes you are! How many of those stupid stones do you have? Give them to me!" Lina yelled lifting him up and turning him upside down and started to shake him. Things fell out of his pocket but no stones.

Lina got so annoyed and that she threw Gourry halfway across the town. "I'm hungry; I'm going to have lunch." Lina huffed skulking off.

"Miss Lina wait for me!" Amelia called out running to catch up.

Gourry just laid in a tangled heap on the street. "Ow…"

...

"Miss Lina I don't think that was such a nice thing to do to Mister Gourry." Amelia chided as she drank some tea.

"I don't care! Stupid idiot!" Lina said in between mouthfuls of food. "If he thinks he can make a fool of me then he's a real idiot!"

"How do know that he was doing it Miss Lina?"

"What? You actually believe that stupid nonsense about a talking wishing stone? C'mon!" Lina rolled her eyes.

"No I don't but maybe it's an enchanted stone. Or it could be cursed. Maybe Mister Gourry won't be able to get rid of it because it's magically linked to him." Amelia suggested.

"Oh great so we'll be stuck with this stupid talking stone forever!" Lina shook her head.

"I wonder where Mister Gourry is." Amelia thought out loud.

...

Gourry was sitting in another restaurant eating. He didn't know where Lina and Amelia went but he didn't care. He was hungry so he went to the closest restaurant he could find. And Gourry being Gourry wasn't too picky about food so he enjoyed it no matter what.

The waiter brought Gourry's last course to his table and set it down. The waiter was weary about let a man with no table manners have so much food. 'As long as he pays then it doesn't matter I guess. I just hope he has money, and that he tips generously.'

After about ten more minutes Gourry finished off the last bit of food. By now everyone in the restaurant were staring at him. They whispered about, calling Gourry 'the bottomless pit' and things to that extent.

"Ahhh! That was great!" Gourry said happily while stretching.

"Your bill sir." The waiter dropped off a piece of paper with the total cost of the meal on it.

Gourry picked up the slip of paper and looked at. 350 gold pieces, sure that would have been a good amount for a group of people to eat, but for one person that was a bit much.

"It's a good thing we have all that money from Lina's last bandit raid." Gourry thought out loud as he went to check his pockets. Only he didn't find his wallet. "Huh where did it go?" Gourry panicked. "Oh yeah Lina shook me and all my stuff fell out. It's probably outside!" Gourry beamed knowing that he remember something. "This isn't the time to pat myself on the back what am I going to do? I need money!"

_Is money what you desire?_

"Oh hey that's right! Hey stone guy can you get me some money?"

_Is money what you wish for?_

"Yeah I wish for enough money to pay the bill."

_Granted._

Suddenly 400 gold pieces appeared in Gourry's hands. "Yeah!" He didn't even think about what was going to happen.

"Is everything alright sir?" The waiter came back with a curious look. All the other customers were staring at him even more after his conversation with himself.

"Yes, he's the money for the bill." Gourry held out the money in his hand.

"What money? I don't see any." The waiter wasn't impressed.

"It's right there!" Gourry motioned to his hand. "Can't you see it?"

"Sir if you're not intending to pay then you might find yourself in a lot of trouble very soon." The waiter threatened.

"But it's right there!" Gourry pleaded. He looked down at his hand and noticed that the money had disappeared. "Huh where did the money go?"

...

Gourry grumbled as he washed another dish. 'Why is this happening to me?'


	6. Chapter 6

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

Part Six

By Relm

"Miss Lina aren't you worried about Mister Gourry?" Amelia asked Lina over breakfast. They had not heard from Gourry since the previous day.

"Nope."

"Not even a little?"

"He can stay lost, that annoying idiot." Lina grumbled while shovelling more food into her mouth.

"But he's been gone since last night! And you don't even care? Why something terrible could have happened to him!" Amelia exclaimed.

"More likely he ate at a restaurant, went to sleep at the inn and is still sleeping."

"I guess so…" Amelia nibbled on a piece of toast. "Miss Lina?"

"Hmmm…?"

"How much money did Mister Gourry have?"

"Huh? Why do you want to know?"

"Well eating dinner can be costly and when it comes to Mister Gourry's appetite it costs a small fortune."

"So?"

"So don't you have all the money? There's no way Mister Gourry could have afforded to eat at a restaurant no matter how cheap it is."

Lina frowned. "Oh well." She shrugged snatching up another sausage.

"Miss Lina!"

"What do you want? I'm hungry!"

Amelia shook her head. "Honestly Miss Lina you should be more compassionate!"

Lina mumbled something while still continuing to eat.

"Uhhnnngggg…" Gourry walked out from the back of the restaurant to the tables like a zombie. His hands looked like raisins, bags hung heavily under his eyes and his face was pale. "No more dishes… no more…"

"That will teach you for trying to eat and run!" The restaurant owner laughed evilly at Gourry's current state.

"So tired…" Gourry grumbled not even listening to the restaurant owner. He just continued walking with no real destination in mind. He was both hungry and tired. He had spent the whole night washing dishes.

"Mister Gourry?" Amelia's voice sounded from across the room. "What happened to you?"

Gourry tiredly lifted his head up to look in the direction of Amelia's voice. His eyes lit up once he noticed that she and Lina were having breakfast. In a flash he ran to their table and started to pig out what was left.

"HEY!" Lina screeched bonking him on the head. "Get your own food!"

Gourry didn't answer he just continued to eat.

"May as well order some more." Amelia commented while flagging down the waitress.

"What the hell happened to you?" Lina asked dryly after they had ordered more food.

"I ate dinner last night at this place but I forgot you had all the money." Gourry answered between mouthfuls of food.

"See Miss Lina? I told you there was a problem." Amelia chided. "So what did you do Mister Gourry?"

"I used the stone to make some money."

Both Amelia and Lina sweatdropped.

"You wished for money? And that worked?" Lina narrowed her eyes at Gourry.

"Well I thought it did but when the waiter came he couldn't see the money. So they made me wash dishes!"

"Gee you must have been doing that all night!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Just finished a few moments ago."

Lina shook her head. "Well serves you right you idiot."

"Miss Lina that's mean!"

"Don't care. And we're leaving as soon as we're done here too!"

"But I'm sleepy!"

"Well that's not my problem." Lina flipped her hair back.

...

"I'm so tired…" Gourry whined as he, Amelia and Lina continued traveling on despite Gourry's lack of sleep the previous night.

"Will you shut up already?" Lina bonked Gourry on the head.

"But I want to sleep!"

"I said shut up!" Lina yelled at Gourry yet again.

Gourry mumbled in protest.

"Miss Lina shouldn't we stop for a bit so Mister Gourry can have a rest?" Amelia requested on Gourry's behalf.

"No! We are heading to Xenil to find the gem of thousand wishes and we're not stopping till we get there!" Lina declared stomping her food. "If he wants to stop then let him. We'll just go on without him."

"But Lina I'm tired! And you have all the money!" Gourry whined.

"Fine." Lina threw a very small bag of copper coins at him. "There that should be enough."

"This isn't enough to even get a room!" Gourry protested.

"Well maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to rack up that tab at the restaurant."

"Some of that money is mine! I earned it." Gourry tried to grab at Lina's money pouch.

"You killed four bandits. I was the one that dealt with the other thirty-five of them." Lina answered matter-of-factly.

"You're greedy." Gourry pouted.

Lina didn't answer she just smiled triumphantly.

...

An hour's worth into their trek Lina, Gourry and Amelia had to stop. The terrain and the map Lina had didn't add up with each other. Which meant one of two things, the map wasn't accurate or they were lost.

"Damn that merchant I'm going to kill him!" Lina exclaimed.

"But Miss Lina we don't even know if the map is a fake." Amelia tried to calm the volatile sorceress.

"We are not lost! I followed that thing properly! It's that damn merchant's fault!" Lina declared pointing to the sky in an angered gesture.

Meanwhile Gourry lay snuggled by a tree sleeping snoring loudly.

"I think we should go back to the town before it gets dark." Amelia suggested.

"Yeah so we can go kill that merchant."

"No Miss Lina! Mister Gourry you tell her… Mister Gourry?" Amelia poked Gourry on the side.

"That idiot! How could he fall asleep?" Lina yelled in anger. The map problem was annoying enough but adding Gourry's antics to the pot made Lina very mad. She bonked him hard on the head adding another lump.

"Owwie… Why'd you do that for?" Gourry grumbled.

"You're not supposed to be sleeping!"

"But I'm tired!"

"I don't care!" Lina bopped him on the head again.

"Owww… I wish Lina would stop hurting me." Gourry mumbled under his breath gingerly feeling for the new lump on his head.

_Is that what you wish?_

"Huh?" Gourry looked around in confusion forgetting once about his talking stone.

_Your wish is granted. _

Gourry was confused he didn't know what was happening but he didn't care. His eyelids drooped as they were getting heavy and it was getting very hard to stay awake. Within seconds Gourry was back on the ground sleeping.

"Stupid jellyfish! We're going back to town wake up!" Lina hit him again but this time he failed to stir. "Huh?" Lina frowned in confusion and his him again. And again Gourry didn't move. "What the hell is going on here?" Lina proceeded to bash him silly with a nearby stick.

Even in all the beating Gourry received he still failed to move let alone wake up. It was as though Gourry didn't feel whatever Lina dished out. But the physical evidence was very evident. Gourry's skin was getting red and lumpy.

"Why the hell isn't he waking up?" Lina hit him again.

"I don't know but I don't think you should be hitting him like that Miss Lina."

"Owww…" Gourry finally woke in extreme pain.

"See I told you."

Lina rolled her eyes. "C'mon we're leaving." Lina just walked off.

"Owwwwww…"


	7. Chapter 7

_(Author's Notes: This is the last part of this fic that was originally posted on the net on my old website. I started writing this story on a whim. It has no clear plot; it was just something silly and stupid I cooked up. The premise was how many wishes could Gourry wish that could go wrong? And I ran with it. Where is it going to go from here? I don't know. It's kinda turned into how many ways can we piss Lina? off fic. It seems I subconsciously threw in ground works for an actual plot in the story which I didn't realize until after re-reading this fic recently. Maybe I'll go with that, maybe I won't. Who knows?)_

**Gourry and the Talking Stone**

Part Seven

By Relm

When Lina, Gourry and Amelia finally got back into town it was much too late for Lina to go hunting for the merchant that had sold her the bogus map. The store had closed hours ago and after hearing whom the merchant had sold that map to later he decided to skip town. So even if Lina had made it back to the town before the store closed she wouldn't have been able to get after the merchant. Which is just as well Lina probably would have ended up destroying the whole town in her rage.

"I'll find that scrawny merchant tomorrow." Lina muttered as she, Amelia and Gourry went to the inn to get a room for the night.

"I don't think threatening to kill the man is going to help the situation much Miss Lina." Amelia chided.

"Threaten him? I'm going to kill him." Lina declared.

"Also not going to help the situation Miss Lina. Unless you want to add this town to your list of towns you can no longer visit." Amelia pointed out.

"Well I'm still going to demand for my money back." Lina muttered some more.

"Owww…" Gourry groaned still feeling the pain from the blows he'd suffered earlier.

"Why are you still complaining for? Amelia already used healing spells on you." Lina snapped at Gourry. She wasn't in a good mood and Gourry and his constant antics didn't help matters.

"It still hurts…" Gourry whined.

"Well that will teach you to stop making wishes to that stupid stone!" Lina yelled whapping him on the head.

"OW!" Gourry yelped in pain.

"HEY SHUT UP DOWN THERE!" A townsperson yelled from their bedroom windows.

"NO I WON'T!" Lina yelled back.

"Really Miss Lina you should try to keep your temper in check." Amelia chided once more.

"Shut up Amelia." Lina grumbled.

"Maybe you should try to channel some of that anger into finding out how to get that cursed stone away from Mister Gourry." Amelia suggested.

"It's not a cursed stone. It's a talking stone." Gourry corrected her.

Lina rolled her eyes. "What can we do? Every time I throw it at away it just ends up back in Gourry's pocket."

"Well Mister Gourry said it looks different then how we see it. Maybe we should get him to draw what it looks like to him and then we can use the drawing to go do some research on it."

"Hey that's not a half bad idea Amelia. Alright once we get into our room we'll get Gourry to draw us a picture."

...

Gourry put the rock on the table and looked at it very hard. Amelia had gone to see what art supplies she could rustle up and brought them to Gourry's inn room. Gourry wasn't sure he could do this but he took his pencil and paint anyway and begun trying to recreate the talking stone's image on paper. He worked hard trying to get every line perfect. After almost an hour Gourry finished his masterpiece. Only it's not a masterpiece.

"Gourry that looks like chicken scratch!" Lina bopped him on the head once more.

"I tried. I guess I'm not good at art." Gourry smiled sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

"Idiot. I'm done with this, I'm going to bed." Lina huffed off and left Gourry's room with Amelia on her heels.

Gourry sat there looking at his failed masterpiece looking miserable. "I wish I was good at art." Gourry sighed.

_Your wish is granted._ The talking stone granted his wish.

"Huh?" Gourry blinked in confusion as he found himself painting.

...

The next morning Lina yawned as she went to go get Gourry at Amelia's insistence. After everything that had been happening to Gourry, Amelia felt it necessary to check on Gourry and bring him to breakfast. She had been expecting to find Gourry passed out on his bed in a very deep sleep. But instead she found Gourry working very hard painting a picture.

"Gourry what are you doing?"

"I don't know." Gourry said whining. He didn't want to be painting he wanted to go to sleep.

"Wow Gourry that's actually pretty good." Lina looked closely at the painting that Gourry was working on. It was a scenic picture of the Flagoon tree during the autumn. The colours were a symphony of yellow, orange and reds showing the beauty of the tree.

"I know but I don't want to paint anymore! I want to go to bed." Gourry whined just as he finished the last paint stroke. "There I'm done! I'm so tired." Gourry collapsed on the floor asleep before he even hit the ground.

"Hmm… I wonder how much I could get for this painting." Lina mused out loud. "I think I'll go pay a visit to the local art dealer." Lina snickered as she took the painting.

...

"Okay Miss… Inverse you can go see the art director now." The art director's secretary motioned for Lina to follow her.

"Miss Inverse is here to see you sir."

"Alright come in Miss Inverse. I hear you have a piece of art you'd like to sell to our gallery." The art director said once the secretary had left.

"Yes I've got a very special painting that I think you may be interested in."

"Well then let's see the painting. Please show me."

"Alright." Lina took the paper covering the canvas off and showed the art director with a smile. "Isn't it wonderful?"

The art director laughed. "You honestly think I would be interested in buying such childish art? HAHAHAHAHAHA! What did you get her little niece to paint you a picture? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lina looked at the painting. It was no longer a beautiful picture of the Flagoon tree during the autumn. It was now a poorly done picture of a tree done in stick person fashion. "What the? GOURRY!" Lina screamed.

...

Gourry sighed happy dreaming about a land of food, which he was the sole owner. It was one of those dreams that he never wanted to leave.

"GOURRY!" Lina yelled storming into his room.

"Huh?" Gourry looked up from the floor where he had been sleeping.

"You used that stupid stone to wish to be able to paint didn't you?" Lina screamed.

"Um… yeah I think I did…" Gourry rubbed his eyes still very sleepy.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! Lina screamed and smashed the painting through Gourry's head. "Idiot." Lina mumbled storming out of the room.

"What did I do?"


End file.
